Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
