I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
