smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
