bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize