3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
