I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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