Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
