Your dad touched me again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
