He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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