I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
