After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how does that bad decision feel?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
