Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
