If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
