would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
