I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
