I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
