I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
