and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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