I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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