you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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