after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
