a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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