a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
