i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
