dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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