is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
