It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
