I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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