My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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