He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
