ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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