you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
