She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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