we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
