my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
