After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
