I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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