Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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