this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
