You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
