how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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