Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
