I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
