I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize