i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
