As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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