What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
