I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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