Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
