are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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