Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
