Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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