What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
