this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
