I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
