is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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