i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just pee around me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
