I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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