Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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