Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
