Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
