I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
