I just threw up on my dentist
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
