How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
