hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
