3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
