It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want to make out with him forever
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
