imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
