What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
